So long 47 -- Welcome to 48

Today is my birthday, my traditional New Year. I never make resolutions or goals to be started on Jan. 1st. Instead, since my birthday is so close, I choose to start any resolutions, goals, or projects on Jan. 5th. I've done this for years and years. Starting new things on the first of the years sounds like a good idea, but I've found I really need to recover from the holidays. This has become especially true the older I get.

So does 48 make me old? Some days I feel ancient, especially when my body refuses to cooperate. Like right now when it's 4 am and I've been up since 2 am. Can't sleep. Too many thoughts, worries, aches, and pains. And my eyesight! I've worn contacts forever, but now I must use reading glasses over the contacts. In the past two months, I've discovered my reading glasses really aren't strong enough anymore.

In my mind though, I'm still 20, full of plans and hope and excitement. Always wondering what the next day, hour, or moment will bring. I’m ready for new adventures, new projects, new ideas. Waking up early and watching the sunrise over the Catalina Mountains fills the moment with such promise. And then I stand up and my legs don't want to move as fast as my mind. Crash to reality.

My oldest son just proposed to his girlfriend in Nov. He is already older than my husband and myself when we got married. It's hard to imagine my son married. It feels like he just took his first steps. Where did that time go? Bits and pieces of it run through my head, but the fact that the time is gone, never to be reclaimed is painful.

My youngest son turned 14 in Sept. He is the last one left at home. I want to hang onto him, keep him a child0, but he has already passed childhood and is well into teenager hood. So I let him do his thing, listen to his stories, try to guide him in the right directions. He is the one who keeps me laughing and fills the house with fun and joy. When the time comes for him to leave as well, it will truly be an empty nest, but also a time for new adventures and dreams and project.

And so I'm 48 and this is where I am right now. Stuck between the past which I can never recapture and future which cannot be known. Focusing on what my goals and plans for the next year are, is what I can do now. If I manage to accomplish those things, then great. If I don't, then I'm not going to beat myself up over them. There is always a new start, be it the next year, the next day, or the next moment. Something to look forward to with excitement.

Something I've discovered over the years is that the unexpected often turns out to be the best. And keeping that in mind, I'm ready to face 48 with new goals and projects and even the unexpected.